50 Shades of Bad Writing

August 7, 2012 by Jeann @ Happy Indulgence | 1 star, Books, Reviews

50 Shades of Bad WritingFifty Shades of Grey Published by Vintage on May 25, 2011
Source: Purchased
Genres: Erotica
Amazon | Book Depository
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When literature student Anastasia Steele goes to interview young entrepreneur Christian Grey, she encounters a man who is beautiful, brilliant, and intimidating. The unworldly, innocent Ana is startled to realize she wants this man and, despite his enigmatic reserve, finds she is desperate to get close to him. Unable to resist Ana’s quiet beauty, wit, and independent spirit, Grey admits he wants her, too—but on his own terms.
Shocked yet thrilled by Grey’s singular erotic tastes, Ana hesitates. For all the trappings of success—his multinational businesses, his vast wealth, his loving family—Grey is a man tormented by demons and consumed by the need to control. When the couple embarks on a daring, passionately physical affair, Ana discovers Christian Grey’s secrets and explores her own dark desires.

Erotic, amusing, and deeply moving, the Fifty Shades Trilogy is a tale that will obsess you, possess you, and stay with you forever.

This book is intended for mature audiences.

With all the hype surrounding a book that’s on everyone’s lips, I thought I should come clean and tell you all my thoughts about it. I’ve read the first 2, Fifty Shades of Grey and Fifty Shades Darker, and it’s definitely not all it’s cracked up to be. It seems the crowd is divided on whether they love it or hate it, and being a self-admitted book snob, I’m definitely in the latter half. It’s not often that I write a scathing review about a book, but there was just so much that I had to say about this that I can’t seem to help myself.

So you’ve probably heard that it’s about S&M and has some explicit sex scenes in it. This is true, and almost every chapter has the two main characters boinking, but what you do not know is that it’s accompanied with some atrocious writing and extremely unbelievable characters. I never thought I would be saying this but the writing is actually worse than Twilight, with all these “Oh Mys!” and inner goddess references to fill in the blanks.

Spoilers below…

Firstly, Ana is a career woman in her early 20’s, who acts like she doesn’t have a clue about men or relationships. It’s like this woman never had sex ed in high school, as she clearly does not know bout the most basic things that even primary schoolers will know (such as the fact that sex can actually make you pregnant!!). She’s never dated, never had a boyfriend, never been kissed. One day, she meets this super sexy, rich, controlling guy who happens to be the owner of an extremely successful business, and she’ll agree to do anything that he asks, including the consideration of signing a S&M contract which dictates everything from her diet, exercise requirements, how and where to have sex, boundaries, and more.

Now if a guy like Christian came along and started dictating when you need to eat, how you eat, what you do at work, what you do in your spare time, when you should exercise, and even contraception, what would you do? Not what Ana does, which is be extremely flattered at his attention and continue baiting him even though you know he’s just in it to make you his slave. I’m not sure what people see in Christian, perhaps it’s the alpha male syndrome or the sexiness or the riches that baits them in, but his over-possessiveness, neediness, excess psychological needs and mummy issues are just way too much to deal with. I don’t care that he can buy me a whole wardrobe of designer clothing, or a new car, or get me a new job with his contacts. I’m not a feminist or anything but in this day and age that should reinforce the independence of women, Christian’s blatant disregard for Ana’s wishes and her submissiveness when it comes to letting him dictate her life just does not do it for me and I’m not sure why it does it for modern women.

If Ana was a real person, I would love to slap her in the face. She’s swept away with this rich, compelling, handsome guy and gets into a relationship she know can’t happen, and towards the end of the book she wonders why her “Fifty Shades” goes too far when she’s agreed for him to spank her. She wallows in self pity and wonders why things turned out that way when she had been forewarned over and over by Christian.

Maybe the appeal is in the “it’s so bad it’s good” sort of way, sort of like watching a train wreck you know is going to happen but you can’t tear your eyes away from it. I know it sounds like I’m being extremely harsh in my criticisms, but don’t say I didn’t warn you before you pick it up after someone says it’s a “good book”.

If you still want more, here’s my Goodreads review on Fifty Shades Darker.

Rating: 1 out of 5

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Jeann is an Aussie YA blogger and mum who loves to read and recommend books! You can usually find me fangirling about books on my various social media channels including Twitter @happyindulgence, Instagram and Youtube.

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5 responses to “50 Shades of Bad Writing

  1. Excellent list!! I'm definitely with you on the under developed fantastical world. That is expected to be so unique and interesting, so when it ends up boring, that's gonna keep me from liking the book.

  2. I've never actually read this trilogy and I never will. It sucks this book got hyped up so much because seriously, I also read erotic books once in awhile, and there are by far better ones out there.

    If I ever end up actually reading this, I must be really desperate for something to read. Love your review! Boinking. LOL.
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  3. jeannius88

    Thanks for visiting and for your comment! I was talking about it with a friend the other day and we came to the conclusion that it's a best seller because it helps people who don't read at all start reading. The simplistic writing probably gets them into reading too because it's easy to get into. I think a lot of it is also, they pick up the book because of the hype and then make their own decisions about it afterwards. Sometimes once you start the series you have to follow it through even if you didn't like it that much. Interesting how these books fly to the top of the charts hey?

  4. Wow, great review! I enjoyed reading your review. I haven't actually read the book but I know enough that it's a crap. But I didn't know it was worse than Twilight. Really? Wow, that must be sooo baad then. *sigh* the people nowadays. Sometimes I have the urge to just jump inside the book and beat the crap out of those stupid girls. Really, are they really that desperate to create such a crap? Why does anyone read that kind of book anyway?